


Sex, Voyeurism and Murder

by Writernut55



Category: Castle
Genre: Caskett, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-20
Updated: 2018-10-19
Packaged: 2019-08-04 16:26:41
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 6
Words: 9,281
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16350101
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Writernut55/pseuds/Writernut55
Summary: Castle and Beckett are investigating and underground Voyeurism club where people are being forced to sleep with each other. When some people come out to talk, they a silenced by being brutally murdered. Read on to find out what happens a nextWARNING: This story contains forced sex while people watch. I do apologise if this offends anyonePosted originally on Wattpad





	1. Forced into it

Kate couldn't understand how they had managed to get into this situation, standing in front of each other completely naked, with a whole group of people watching them from behind a two way glass.

   
They had been investigating an underground voyeuristic sex club that was getting out of control. Some women had been forced to participate and were coming out to the police and media, only to be silenced in a violent murder that looked like something out of a zombie apocalypse. 

Naturally, Castle had been bouncing off the walls with theories and was driving Beckett and the boys mad. Following up a lead, Castle and Beckett went to talk to an informant, only for them to be jumped and knocked out. 

When they came to, they were in a room with plain white walls, completely bare of any furniture except for a bed up against the wall in the middle of the room.

Beckett looked around wide eyed, trying to assess where she was and how she got there. Seeing the glass and feeling Castle next to her, she realised where she was and who was behind the two way glass. A small buzz came filled the room before a staticky beep that could only come from a PA system. 

"Don't bother trying to figure out where you are. You can't get out until you complete the deed."

"What deed?" Castle asked, coming to.

"You know perfectly well. You came here looking for sex and now it is the only thing that will set you free. You will not be released until we are satisfied with your show." The intercom clicked off and Castle and Beckett looked at each other in disbelief at the situation they had gotten themselves into. 

"Beck..."

"No!" She said firmly.

"Kate..." He tried again.

"No, we are not going to do it. I don't care what they say. I am not going to let some perverts get off watching..." She couldn't even finish the sentence as a shiver went down her spine. 

"You think this is how I want it to go. I want us to be willing and completely alone but what are our other options here?" He asked. Beckett bit her lip and looked down at her hands, wringing them nervously.

"Maybe we can make it look like we're having sex but not actually do it?" He whispered. But just as he said it, a voice came over the PA again. 

"In order to get out, we need to witness visual confirmation of penetration." Beckett's eyes widened as she heard this and looked over at Castle with fear.

"I promise I'll get it over with as fast as possible and put on a show for them. Just make a lot of noise. Like an actor on a porn shoot." He tried to joke.

"Great, that makes me feel loads better." She bit back sarcastically, punching him in the arm. 

"Ow!" He winced, clutching his arm. 

"Oh, shut up you big baby. It didn't hurt." She bit back, turning her back to him. 

"Listen..." He said awkwardly.

"If we want to get out of this, we need to get things... Started." Beckett looked at him over her shoulder and glared at him for ever suggesting such a thing. "I won't make you do anything." He reassured her, putting his hands up in surrender.

"I can get myself... Ready. And I'll try and make this as painless as possible." Castle finished, putting his hand over hers, which she looked down at for a few moments before pulling it away and turning her back on him again.

"I don't want it to happen like this just as much as you. And nothing I say can express how sorry I am." 

"I know, Castle." She whispered back, her voice wavering. 

"Please don't think bad of me for this, Kate." He whispered, his voice also wavering, ladened with emotion.

Taking a deep shaky breath, Castle stood up on the bed and unbuckled and unbuttoned his pants, pulling the zipper down and shimmying his pants down to his knees, taking himself into his hand guiltily, trying to ignore his conscience screaming at him that this was wrong on so many levels.

He needed to do this for them to get out. He tried to stay as quiet as possible, trying to be as quiet as possible with his strokes to make the situation less awkward.

Struggling morally to get himself hard, he got himself as hard as he could before he awkwardly looked over his shoulder and cleared his throat. 

"Kate, I'm... Ah..." Kate nodded, understanding what he was trying to say. Just as Kate was about to turn around, the PA system turned on again. 

"In order for us to visually confirm penetration, participants must be not wearing any clothing."

"Are you FUCKING kidding me!!!" Kate yelled, slapping her hands down on the bed. 

"I'm so..." 

"Don't say it." She sighed in frustration, scrubbing her hands over her face. Looking up at the mirror, Beckett glared at it and spoke up. "Dim the lights or this doesn't happen." She said firmly. 

"We can't do that." A voice said over the PA. 

"Dim the FUCKING lights or I will break through the mirror and make you do it." Kate yelled, getting up off the bed and walking towards the mirror threateningly. A moment later, the lights dimmed just enough to still allow the voyeuristic assholes on the other side to see, while still being dim enough to just be able to see each other without seeing the intimate parts of each other. 

'Yeah, like that's gonna make it any better.' Kate grumbled to herself. Turning around with a sigh, she walked over to Castle and stood between his legs, him covering himself with his hands. She leant down and pressed her lips near the shell of his ear. 

"You are to turn around and strip down. When you are done, you are not to look at me. If you do look at me, you are to only look at my face. I will make noise but don't think that I will be enjoying any of it. Do you understand?" She asked. Castle nodded.

"And make sure you are ready. If you hurt me, I will kill you." Castle gulped audibly and nodded again. Kate took a few steps back and turned around, facing the wall, looking over her shoulder to make sure he did the same.

Once she saw him get up and turn to face the bed, she turned around and, with trembling hands, started to remove her clothing. 

"Stop." The voice over the PA said, making both of them freeze.

"You must take off each other's clothes."

Beckett's face turned crimson at the thought, but nevertheless turned around and walked towards Castle, seeing him bright red as well and slipped his jacket off his shoulders.

Throwing it behind her, her shaky fingers began working on the buttons of his shirt, fumbling miserably with them. Feeling bad for her, Castle gently cupped her hands in his and gave an apologetic smile, moving to unbutton his own shirt and tossed it away. With an unsteady breath, Castle gently took off her jacket and tossed it aside with his own, moving down to tend to her buttons next, his eyes holding such deep remorse in them as he did so, keeping them trained on her collar bone, unable to meet her eyes.

Carefully pushing her shirt off her shoulders, he tossed it with his, his heart hammering in his chest painfully as he contemplated what was next. Tears in his eyes, he mouthed a small 'I'm sorry' before he proceeded to unfasten her belt and unzip her pants, sliding them down her long, muscular legs, getting to her knees before he let her continue herself, saving her the embarrassment of him crouched at eye level with her crotch.

Before Kate's hands were able to make it to his pants, Castle slipped them down his legs and kicked them to the side, leaving him standing there with only his hands to cover himself. 

"I..." She whispered softly, her voice cracking with emotion. "I don't want them to see me." She explained, her chin quivering and eyes tearing up as she tried to hard to keep her composure. Nodding in understanding, Castle directed her to lie down and carefully climbed on top of her. Leaning down to whisper in her ear, much like she had done earlier, he told her;

"I'm so sorry, Kate. I really am. I'll do my best to make sure they can't see you. Just pretend we're the only ones in the room." He tried to reassure her, his hand tenderly tucking a lock of hair behind her ear.

A lone tear slipped out her eye and Castle was quick to swipe it away with his thumb. He reached around her back, unclasping her bra and helping her arms out of the straps, leaving the cups in place for now. Under normal circumstances, the fact that she was wearing a matching black lace underwear set would have turned him on to no end. 

But this was not normal circumstances. 

Strengthening his resolve, Castle carefully pushed her underwear to one side and placed himself at her entrance. He felt her jump slightly at the feeling, her eyes going wide with fear as she looked at him. 

"I'm so sorry, Kate." He whispered as he quickly thrust himself in, not wanting to embarrass her by going in slowly and potentially making her moan. Castle parted his legs slightly so that the people watching them could see he was completely immersed in her.

Laying back down, Castle slowly removed her bra and threw it aside, covering her breasts with his hands. As much as he wanted to squeeze and tease and play with them, he kept them still, wanting to protect her from the view of the assholes outside. 

"You know that if I had one, I would be wearing protection." Castle told her gently, feeling bad that that hadn't been on his mind earlier. 

"I know. Just don't..."

"I won't." He said firmly.

"But I do have to get things going to get out of here." He told her, gently thrusting in and out ever so slightly, letting her adjust while also working himself up. 

"Enough talking." Came a stern voice over the PA.

"Get on with it." Castle looked in her eyes, both their faces filled with emotions, his eyes begging her to forgive him. 

"Kate..."

"I know." She whispered gently, her voice trembling. Letting out a shaky breath as her eyes teared up again, she told him;

"It's ok." Castle closed his eyes and leant down to kiss her, only to feel a hand pressing on his chest, holding him back.

"Don't kiss me." She told him.

Castle nodded solemnly, understanding why.

It was too personal. 

"Put your arms around me." He whispered. Kate did so until they were close enough he could remove his hands and she was still covered. Wrapping his arms around her, burying his face in her neck, he began thrusting into her faster and harder. 

They continued like that for some time, Castle refusing to let them lay their eyes on her body, keeping her decent by shielding her with his own naked body. Even though Kate was repulsed by the fact that they were being forced into doing this and didn't want him to lay a finger on her, let alone hold her, she found herself unable to let him go, holding him tighter as she hid her face in his neck.

Her tears disobediently leaked out and dripped down his neck, running down to their touching chests. 

"I'm so sorry." He sobbed into her neck as he thrust into her with increasing speed.

"I'm so sorry." He couldn't help but say it as he felt his orgasm building while she was trembling and crying.

He knew that after this, she would never want him to touch her again. That the memories of this would be to painful and being near him would only rub salt in the wound. Castle resolved that when they get out, he would leave. He would leave her alone and never talk to her again. She deserved so much better than to be essentially raped for some voyeuristic assholes who can't get it up. 

Getting closer, he increased his speed, a thin sheen of sweat building on both of them. Suddenly, the PA system buzzed to life again and white noise buzzed through the room for a while before a sadistic chuckle filled the room. 

"I can see that you are close. So in order for us to release you, you must release yourself into her." Castle froze, his head snapping up, looking in Kate's eyes with a murderous fire. Pulling her hands from around him, he places them over her breasts before he sits up and looks over his shoulder at the mirror. 

"If you wanted that then you should have provided a condom." He spat back. The voice simply chuckled again before continuing.   
"How quaint. You thought I meant with a condom. How incredibly simple minded of you." He said in somewhat of a sing song tone.

"You will release yourself inside her without the condom or you will have to repeat the entire act all over again." He finished, venom in his words. The PA system clicking off, Castle looked down at Kate, his mouth gaping as he tried to form words. 

"Kate... I... I can't..."

"It's ok." She whispered, another tear leaking out of her eye.

Torn, Castle lay himself back down over Kate, her arms wrapping back around him almost immediately.

Wrapping his arms back around her, he picked up where he left off and started building his speed back up, feeling the knot tighten in his lower belly as he got closer to his orgasm.

Against her will, her body started to heat up with his, getting pleasure from him as she sobbed quietly in his shoulder, completely and utterly confused and overwhelmed. 

Unable to hold himself back any longer, Castle let out a small grunt, feeling himself just on the edge, desperately wanting to pull out but knowing he couldn't or else have to complete the whole act again. 

"I'm close." He murmured into her neck. He felt her tense under him at the words, making him feel even worse about the whole thing. Clutching her tighter, feeling himself twitch inside her, he groaned again, thrusting manically into her, feeling her clutch him tightly, before he spilled himself inside her, muffling his moan in her neck as he did.

He stayed inside her till he stopped twitching and felt himself start to soften, panting heavily as he lay atop her. He could feel her muffled cries against his neck and suddenly the whole situation and where they were came flooding back to him. 

"I'm so sorry, Kate." He murmured to her, gently stroking her hair as he held her.

"I'm so so sorry." 

"After deliberating with the fellow members here, we have decided that the performance you have given us was not satisfactory." A voice came over the PA. "Therefore, you must commit the deed again, whilst remaining inside her. If you remove yourself at all, you will have to start again until you do it correctly." 

"Oh god, no!" Kate sobbed, trembling against him. 

"NYPD! Put your hands where I can see 'em!" They heard a familiar voice yell. Seconds later they heard shots fired from the other side of the wall. A few anxious moments later, they heard the PA buzz back into life and they both tensed, fearing the worst. 

"Come out when you guys are ready. We'll be waiting just outside." Esposito told them.

Letting out a collective sigh of relief, Castle squeezed Kate tighter before loosing his hold, waiting patiently for her to do the same.

When she finally collected herself enough to let go, Castle rolled himself off her and sat on the edge of the bed, pulling his pants and boxer back on in one go. Standing up as he fastened them, he walked silently over to where his shirt and jacket were thrown earlier, collecting Kate's while he was there.

Walking back towards the bed, he saw her sitting with her back to him and simply placed the clothes on the bed behind her before turning around himself to finish getting dressed.

Castle waited patiently for her to get dressed, waiting to hear her step towards the door before turning around. Staying a few paces behind her, Castle waited patiently as she received her things from the boys before collecting his own. 

"How much did you see?" He asked them once Beckett was out of earshot.

"Enough. We saw enough." Esposito replied. Castle nodded silently before following Beckett out and towards the car.

The boys looked at each other and exchanged confused glances before looking back at their friends with solemn expressions. 

When they got outside, Beckett was standing off to the side, her arms wrapped around herself.

Cautiously walking over to her, Castle stood beside her, waiting for her to acknowledge his presence before speaking up. 

"Listen, Castle. About what happened..." 

"I saw how you looked at me in there." He said, making her head snap to look him in the face.

"I was the person who caused you that much pain. I made you cry and I still continued to use your body to give myself pleasure." 

"But we didn't have a choice."

"The person who makes you cry and causes you pain doesn't deserve to be in your life." He told her, his eyes unable to meet hers.

"No matter how much I want to." He added quietly, his eyes slowly looking up at her while she stood frozen, unable to form words. 

"I love you, Kate. And that's why I have to go." Castle stepped forward and cupped her cheek and pressed a chaste kiss on her lips; feeling her clutch his jacket firmly in her hands, then moving his lips up to kiss her forehead, lingering there as he struggled to let her go.

Tearing himself away from her grasp, he stepped away from her, putting some much needed distance between them before he turned his back on her, walking away, not willing to let her see him cry.

As he walked away, she stayed rooted to the spot, unable to move, forced to watch as he walked away. Her heart feel in her stomach and a lump formed in her throat as she struggled to keep her emotions in check. Inevitably, tears slipped from her eyes, streaking down her face, and on a shaky breath, she murmured; 

"But I love you" while she watched him walk away.

Ryan, having seen the exchange, walked over to her and placed a gentle, comforting hand on her elbow before moving to her lower back.

"Come on, Kate. Let's get you home." He said gently as he lead her towards the car.


	2. Separation Anxiety

The days that followed were some of the hardest for her.

The boys had negotiated with Gates so she could get some time off, but that meant sitting in her apartment alone for hours on end with the event running through her mind over and over again, relentlessly plaguing her dreams. 

As much as she hated that he was the one who did this to her, she also knew that he didn't have a choice in the matter and tried his hardest to make it as painless for her and protect her as much as possible.

But because it was him, it made it that much worse. The person she loved so much had been the one who hurt her the most in ways that she couldn't describe.

She had contemplated calling him countless times but never could bring herself to do it. After three days of this, the ache in her chest and not seeing or hearing from him got to her and she picked up her phone and her keys and stormed out of her apartment. When she reached the sidewalk, she hailed a cab and gave him Castle's address.

In the time it took for her to get there, she had gone though every possible scenario in her mind, but when she arrived at his curb, her heart pounded wildly in her chest and she felt like she was going to be sick.

Paying the man, she got out and walked into his building, getting into the elevator and taking the painfully slow ride up to the penthouse. 

When the doors finally dinged open, Kate all but jumped out and walked down the hallway till she reached his door. Anxiety filling her veins, she wrung her hands and shifted from foot to foot debating whether or not to knock.

Summing up the courage, she raised a trembling fist and knocked on the hard wooden door. A few moments later, it opened to reveal a dishevelled and exhausted looking Castle. She took a few moments to take in the sight of him; mused hair, dark bags under his eyes, and his usually muscular frame looking thinner than usual. 

In some weird way, it was comforting to her that he was suffering just as badly as she was from this. 

"Castle." She breathed out.

"Kate." He murmured. 

While Castle stood there, confused and shocked, Kate threw her arms around his neck, pulling him into a firm embrace. 

"I've missed you so much." She whispered, burying her face in his neck and breathing in him deeply, fisting his shirt tightly.

It took him a few moments to register what had happened and wrap his arms around her, his hold steadily tightening as he realised that she was indeed there and holding him. 

"You don't hate me?" He asked, still slightly dazed and confused.

Pulling back slightly so she could look him in the face, her arms shifting down to hold him around his torso, she shook her head. 

"As much as it was uncomfortable and degrading, it wasn't your fault."

Castle breathed out a sigh of relief, his arms wrapping tighter around her waist.

"I don't want to ever be separated from you again." She told him, moving back in and wrapping her arms around him, resting her cheek against his chest, smiling lightly as she felt his arms hold her firmly against him, feeling safe for the first time in so long.

"I love you too and I get a say in when you walk away too." She told him, nuzzling against his chest. 

"You love me?" He asked, his voice trembling with nerves as he anxiously waited for her reply, almost certain that he had misheard her. 

"Yeah," She replied, pulling back just enough to look up into his deep cerulean eyes.

"I love you." She smiled, her heart skipping a beat when she saw him give her a watery smile in return.

Pulling her back against him, he dropped his lips to her head and placed a long kiss in her hair, tears dropping into the hastily tied back, tangled mess.

Kate heard him sniff and felt him shake against her as he tried to keep his sobs quiet. 

"I... I didn't hurt you, did I?" Castle asked with a wavering voice.

Kate let out a sigh as she contemplated how to answer.

In truth, he had hurt her a little because even though she had tried to force her body to relax, the thought of the perverted voyeuristic men watching them, and them being forced into having sex; and his rough thrusts, had hurt her physically.

By the end of the week she knew that she would be fine and healed, but in telling him the truth, she wasn't sure the damage it would do to him. 

"Castle..." 

"I want you to tell me the truth, Kate." He told her firmly.

"I can take it." He sniffed, standing up a bit straighter. 

"Rick, I..." 

"Please." He pleaded gently, his hand raising to cup her cheek, his fingers almost touching her skin, before he lowered his hand back down to his side. After that day, he didn't feel like he could ever have the right to touch her again.

Let alone her let him touch her. 

"Yes." 

"Oh god!" He muttered, his eyes slipping closed as tears made their way down his face and dripped off his chin. 

"I know you were trying to be gentle and that you were trying to get it over as quickly as possible, but the fact that we were being watched made my whole body tense and I just couldn't relax. I know you didn't mean to, but you were a little rough."

"Kate, I'm so..."

"Don't say it." She told him.

"I can't stand that phrase." Untangling himself from her, Castle stepped back and put some much needed distance between them. 

"Rick, I know you didn't mean it. I know you would never intentionally hurt me." She told him, taking a step towards him, only for him to take another step back and turn his back to her. 

"You are one of the people I care most about in this world, Kate." He sobbed quietly, his shoulders shaking. "I can never forgive myself for hurting you." He murmured. 

"Rick, look at me." She told him, walking around to stand in front of him.

"Come on, look at me." She spoke softly, cupping his face and lifting it up from his chest to meet her eyes.

Tears were still streaming out of his bloodshot and puffy eyes, and she wiped them away with her thumbs, feeling him lean into her touch.

"I forgive you." She told him quietly. A few more tears escaped and she swiped them away, leaning in and pressing her forehead against his.

"I forgive you, Rick." She told him.


	3. Tossing and Turning

After holding him for around ten minutes or so, he finally calmed down enough and Kate could feel the exhaustion settling in.

He held her like she was the last tether he had to the world, needing to keep her close for fear that he would open his eyes and she would disappear. 

"You can stay in the guest room upstairs if you want." He told her, still holding her close, not quite ready to let her go.

"I'll give you some clothes to wear." 

"Thanks, Castle." She smiled. 

They both wanted nothing more than to move past the awkward stage and be able to be in the room together without having to comfort the other person.

They wanted to be able to touch each other, even in the simplest ways, without jumping or fear of making the other person uncomfortable.

But most of all, they wanted to be able to kiss each other without it being awkward anymore.

But after her telling him not to when they were captured, neither one of them was brave enough to initiate it. 

His hold on her finally slacking, Kate pulled away slowly, holding at arms length as she looked in his eyes and gave him a kind smile, getting a watery lopsided one in return. 

"We should probably get some sleep." Kate told him. 

"Yeah." He agreed, following after her as she walked up the stairs to the guest room she had lived in after her apartment was blown up.

Opening the door, she surveyed the room and was pleased to see that it was exactly the way she left it.

He hadn't changed a thing since she left.

There was even the chest of draws he had bought her so she could have somewhere to keep the clothes he bought her. 

"I'm gonna have a quick shower." She told him. 

"I'll leave the clothes on the bed for you."

"Thanks." 

"Alright. I'll see you in the morning." He told her, backing up and closing the door quietly behind him.

Kate chuckled to herself when she found that he hadn't touched the soaps and other bits and bobs that she had left there before she stripped down and stepped into the shower.

While she was in there, she heard the door open quietly and Castle's soft footfalls as he lay the clothes on the bed for her before he left as quietly as he came.

Smiling to herself, she turned off the water and got out, drying herself off quickly before going back into the bedroom.

Her heart warmed when she saw the clothes lying neatly on the end of the bed. They were the clothes that he had leant her when she last stayed here.

That red t-shirt that was miles too big for her slender frame and the soft sweatpants that were so big on her, she had to roll the cuffs up several times and they still dragged on the ground.

Lifting them up, she brought them to her face and inhaled deeply, his scent still all over the soft fabric. Pulling the shirt over her head and the pants on, she hung up her towel and crawled into the large, very expensive, pillow top mattress.

Sinking deeply into the warm, soft sheets, Kate closed her eyes, expecting sleep to envelope her, but as hard as she tried, she just couldn't drift off.

She tossed and turned, moving around to see if she could find a more comfortable position that would allow her to sleep, but to no avail.

Sighing in frustration, she rolled over onto her back and stared at the ceiling. Her thoughts drifted to the man sleeping downstairs, all alone and vulnerable.

He had been so upset, and even though they were only a few meters away, it felt as though they were worlds away from each other. 

Throwing back her covers, she sat up in bed and got up, walking to the door and opening it. She made her way down the dimly lit hallway till she made it to the stairs.

Watching out for the squeaky steps, Kate made her way down until she was standing in the living room area.

Taking a deep breath, she continued to walk through the silent apartment until she made it to his office.

She hadn't been in there many times but she had been in enough to appreciate his personal creative space, where he would sit up late at night and concoct scenes between Nikki and Rook, their fictional counterparts.

Her eyes scanned the room till she saw the door that lead to his bedroom was open slightly.

Giving it an experimental push, she saw him lying on his side, facing away from her, breathing evenly.

Opening the door just enough to be able to slip in, Kate walked in slowly and quietly, carefully pulling the sheets up and slipping in under them, curling up next to Castle. 

Smiling to himself, Castle rolled over and pulls her into his side, dropping a sleepy kiss on her head before drifting off to sleep.


	4. Pancakes? Really?

The next morning, Kate woke up hearing an even paced beating under her ear and feeling a solid form against her.

Peeling her tired eyes open, she saw the still peacefully sleeping Castle, his hair tousled from sleep, his mouth hanging open.

Smiling to herself, Kate draped her arm over his chest and let her eyes slip back closed, enjoying being close to him again.

When she woke again a few hours later, the warm, solid body she was curled against was gone and the space beside her was cold.

Sitting up, she looked around the room, confused and scared to realise that she was in Castle's bedroom without him.

Her brain still foggy, she tried to recall how she got there but to no avail.

Panicking, she lifted the sheets and was comforted to see that she was still wearing the pyjamas that he had leant her.

Letting out a sigh of relief, Kate threw back the covers and got out of the bed, walking towards the kitchen only to stop short when she saw Castle sitting at his desk, furiously tapping away at his keyboard, his fingers hitting each letter with lightening precision.

Smiling softly to herself as she watched him work, Kate leant against the door way and watched as he mouthed the words as he typed them, his brow furrowed in deep concentration.

Chuckling quietly to herself, Kate quietly walked over to him, running her fingers through his hair as she came to stand behind him.

Castle jumped slightly, having not heard her come in, but relaxed into her touch almost immediately.

"Morning." She greeted.

"Good morning." He replied.

"What are you working on?" She asked curiously, trying to sneak a peek at the open word document.

Slightly self conscious, Castle minimised it with a quick tap of a few keys.

"Not much." He replied. Raising an eyebrow at his speed of hiding it from her, Kate shrugged her shoulders and stepped back, allowing him to get out of his chair, and walked into the kitchen to make a much needed pot of coffee.

Kate should have know that Castle wouldn't have a coffee pot in his house, obviously preferring the superior taste of that freshly brewed from a coffee machine.

Smiling and shaking her head, she searched for the coffee pods and mugs, frowning as she tried to figure out the difference between the coloured pods.

"Who the hell would make a system this... Retarded!" She grumbled to herself. Kate jumped when she heard a soft chuckle from behind her.

"It really isn't that complicated, Kate. How about you work on breakfast and I do the coffee?" He smiled at her gently, his eyes still bloodshot from the night before, the emotion still evident on his face.

Kate smiled gently at him and nodded, heading over to the fridge to collect the ingredients she needed.

It wasn't long before the coffee was brewed and breakfast was cooked and they were sitting at the table, eating in an awkward silence.

"So, why not pancakes?" Castle asked after taking a sip of his coffee. Kate simply raised an eyebrow and waited for it to click.

"Oh." Was all he said, his eyes falling back down to the scrambled eggs on his plate, shifting them around his plate.

"Castle." Kate said gently, waiting for him to look back at her.

"Rick, we need to talk about what happened." She saw him stiffen before putting another mouthful of food in his mouth.

"It happened, Rick. And we need to talk about it. Pretending it didn't happen isn't going to make things any better."

"What do you want me to say, Kate? That I had to imagine that we were the only people in the room just to maintain an erection? That every time I saw the pain on your face, the pain I was causing, my heart broke a little each time? That the fact that those perverts were staring at you while we... That it made my blood boil so bad that I wanted to knock them out? Is that what you want to hear?" He looked up at her stone faced, pain, anger, and regret swimming in his eyes.

To say that Kate was surprised by his outburst was an understatement.

She was speechless.

She had no idea that his feelings were that intense about the experience, or how profoundly it had affected him.

"I know how it affected you, Kate. And I hate myself for it, and I would do anything to take it back, but I can't. So I just want to forget about it and move on." Castle said as he collected his plate and mug, standing up to take them to the sink.

"No." She told him, looking up at him with a stern face.

"I refuse to just forget about it and move on. Yes, it was not how I imagined my first time with you to be, but it happened." She told him, standing up herself.

"Yes, it hurt and I was humiliated to be exposed to strangers like that and that we were forced on each other. But those men are behind bars now. And..."

Kate took a deep breath and prepared herself for what she was about to say.

"Next time it will be just us." Castle's head snapped up and looked at her with shock and confusion.

"And it will be on our terms. And it will be far more intimate."

"I don't know if I can." Castle whispered misty eyed.

"Give it time." She assured him, putting her hand over his. "It'll happen when the time is right."

 


	5. Finding a way back to Normal

After the clearly awkward breakfast, Castle and Beckett spent the day awkwardly interacting, more or less avoiding each other and further conversation.

Both of them were uncomfortable but they both were enjoying the company too much to make a move to leave or ask the other to leave.

'Maybe I should talk to Lanie about this?' Kate thought to herself.

'At the very least she will be eager to hear about the gossip.' She smiled lightly to herself.

So lost in her thoughts, Kate didn't register the fact that Castle had edged closer to her and had managed to get his fingers intertwined with hers.

Sneaking a glance, she smiled lightly and returned her attention back to the movie that was playing on the screen.

Wanting to reassure him, she gently rubbed her thumb up and down over the sensitive skin on the top of his hand, gently squeezing it.

When the movie was over, Kate politely excused herself and wandered off into the guest bedroom to make the call to Lanie.

She needed her best friend's opinion right now more than ever. If anyone could give it to her straight, it was Lanie.

Kate anxiously dialed her number and, putting it to her ear, listened as it rang.

"Hello?" Lanie answered.

"Hey, Lanie. It's me." Kate replied in a hushed voice.

"Well hello, 'It's me'. Haven't heard from you in a while. How you holdin' up girl?" She asked, getting right to the point.

"I've been alright. I don't know how much Javi told you..."

"He told me enough, sweetie." Lanie replied gently.

"I'm just so confused, Lanie. I mean, if it was anyone else, I would know how to feel, but it's Castle!"

"I know. I know. You're in a tough spot. I can't tell you how you should be feelin', 'cause I have nothing to compare it to." She told her, making Kate sigh in frustration.

"But I do know that you have serious feelings for that man. And that this whole situation just made it more awkward for you to be able to trust those feelings. You two need time to get past this, and you will in time, and then if those feelings are still there, be brave and see where they go." Lanie told her.

"Things are so awkward between us, Lanie. But even after everything that happened, the past few days without him have been torture. How can I want to be near someone who has done something like that to me?"

"Oh, Kate." Lanie said sadly.

"Things are so complicated for you. I can't even begin to imagine how confused you are.

But even though something awful happened between you, you still need each other. You can't go through this alone or it will destroy you both."

"I can't stay away from him. I couldn't even sleep properly until I was next to him. How can I let someone that did that to me be near me, let alone touch me?" Kate said as she ran her hand through her hair, frustrated and confused.

"Like I said, you need each other at the moment. Don't fight it."

"I'm just worried that this will change our friendship." Kate explained.

"Honey, it already has. You two were forced to have sex while people watched." She said bluntly, shocking Kate a little.

"And not just some random man, but Castle. Your best friend; apart from me of course. The man who has been following you around like a love-sick puppy for the past few years, just waiting for the chance to show his feelings to you. You both are scared to ruin your friendship and that is what's keeping you from moving forward. But something has to change so you can move forward. Trust yourself and be brave." She told her.

"I have to go. Murder doesn't stop just because you aren't in the office. Talk soon, honey." Lanie said before hanging up, leaving Kate standing in the quiet room, head reeling with nothing but her thoughts.

'Lanie's right. I am scared to move forward with Castle because of what happened.

'I need to be patient and brave.' She told herself as she quietly made her way back downstairs to where she left the sleeping Castle.

Remembering Lanie's advice, Kate nervously lay down beside Castle on the couch, curling into his chest, feeling stupid and vulnerable, until his strong arm came around her and pulled her in closer to him, his head lolling over to the side to rest against hers, placing a sleepy kiss in her hair.

Taken aback, Kate froze before realising that he was still fast asleep and had done it out of a subconscious reflex. Her heart warming, she slowly relaxed into his arms and drifted off into some much needed sleep.

When they awoke later that day, their stomachs growled angrily, stirring them from their peaceful slumber.

When they looked at each other, blushes instantly filled their cheeks when they realised just how close their faces were.

Jerking back, Kate started to fall off the couch, only for Castle to wrap his arms around her tighter to steady her, unintentionally bringing their faces so close together their noses touched, their lips ghosting each other, hearts pounding frantically in their chests.

"You okay?" He asked awkwardly, sending a shiver down her spine as she felt his lips brush over hers with each word.

"Yeah." She replied breathlessly, her lips brushing against his driving her mad, the need to close the distance and touch her lips to his confusing and overwhelming.

"We should probably..."

"Yeah." She replied awkwardly, feeling a confusing warmth in her nether regions, and a firm pressure against her she wasn't expecting to feel again.

Taking a deep breath, she took a leap of faith and finally closed the distance between them, melding her lips to his in a chaste kiss.

Her eyes fluttered closed as a warm feeling overwhelmed her, forgetting everything that had happened and just enjoying the feeling of finally having his lips on hers again since their last kiss to save Ryan and Esposito when they were kidnapped.

Castle stayed frozen for a moment, tenderly cradling her head as confused alarm bells rang off in his head. In the end, it was Castle who pulled back from the kiss, a guilty and sad expression on his face.

"I... I can't" He explained, unable to meet her eyes.

"I need some time." He stated, carefully getting up off the couch without letting her fall, before heading off to the kitchen to start on lunch.


	6. Can we try again?

Kate ended up staying with Castle at his loft for several weeks, not ready to go back to work yet and face the sex dungeon bastards that put them in this whole mess.

But as each day went by, the pair slowly got more and more comfortable around each other.

They settled into a daily routine of Castle getting up in the morning to make breakfast while he let Kate sleep in.

If there was washing, when she got up she would put on a load and meet him in the kitchen to eat.

Once they had finished, they would clean up their plates, cutlery and cookware before Castle would disappear in his office for a few hours to write and Kate would change into some workout clothes to go for a run.

Ever since she got shot, Kate had made a point of regularly working out to ensure that her heart was in peak working condition, getting Lanie to check it for her if she felt that something wasn't quite right.

The scar on her chest and side had healed well, but they were still a reminder of how she had broken his heart when he saw her bleeding out on the grass.

When she got back from her run, she would use Castle's shower and find fresh clothes laid out for her on the bed when she got out.

And when she was dried and dressed, she would make her way into his office, putting her arms over the back of his chair to read over his shoulder what he was working on.

At first, Castle was incredibly secretive about what he wrote, but as the weeks went by, he became less and less self-conscious about, actually coming to enjoy feeling her behind him, leaning back against her arms, closing his eyes in content.

But try as she might, Castle still struggled with anything more affectionate than a hug.

Whenever she would try and kiss him, more often than not, he would back away and walk off to his office, shutting the door behind him.

But on the rare occasions when he didn't walk away, Kate enjoyed a few blissful seconds of her lips on his, all of her worries forgotten as she gently cupped the back of his head, trying to keep him there.

But on one night, as they prepared to go to bed, Kate trying every night to sleep in the guest bedroom, only to end up in bed next to Castle later that night, they stood at the door of Castle's office, hugged and bid each other goodnight.

Kate turned and went to walk away, expecting it to be just like any other night, only for Castle to catch her hand and tug her back towards him.

"Kate, wait." He murmured quietly, slowly pulling her back to stand in front of him.

Taking a shaky breath, Castle slowly raised a hand to her cheek, brushing a stray lock of hair behind her ear tenderly before cupping her cheek.

Licking his lips nervously, Castle slowly leant in closer to her until his lips gently touched hers, taking Kate completely by surprise.

Quickly relaxing into the kiss, Kate melted against him, kissing him back slowly, tenderly, worried that if she pushed things too fast, he would freak out and back away again, wanting to make the kiss deeper, but trying hard to keep it chaste. Kissing her one last time, Castle pulled away and gave Kate a small smile.

"Will you stay with me tonight? I, uh... Can't take another disturbed sleep." He told her guiltily.

Chuckling softly, Kate nodded and followed Castle into his room, pulling back the covers and sliding under them next to each other, Kate instantly curling up against his chest.

"Good night, Rick." She whispered, cupping his cheek as she pulled him down for a sweet kiss.

"Good night, Kate." He replied, kissing her back lightly.

But as their lips went to separate, something drew them back in, pecking their lips together once more.

And again.

And again.

Until Kate moved up the bed and held his face in both her hands, inhaling deeply as she deepened the kiss, relieved when he returned it with the same passion.

Rolling over on top of him, not even realising what she was doing, Kate ground her lower body against him, gasping in surprise as she felt he was stiff underneath her.

She could feel Castle's whole body stiffening up, knowing that he was going to close up again soon, so she sped up the kiss, not wanting to let him go yet.

With wandering hands, they slowly drifted down to his crotch, slipping beneath his boxers, and just as she was about to take him in hand, he jumped away, holding her back at arm's length.

"Wait! Kate, stop." He said breathlessly, swallowing hard to regain his composure.

"I can't do this." He whispered.

"What? Why? Why is it that every time I try and be more intimate with you, you push me away?" She asked, mildly irritated and worked up.

"Because I can't hurt you again!" He blurted out angrily.

Sighing heavily, he continued. "I... I can't."

"Rick..." She whispered, trying to get him to look at her.

"What? What do you want me to say, Kate?" He replied angrily.

"That every time you kiss me I instantly get hard? So hard it's painful? That I don't trust myself enough not to hurt you again so I rush off to my office before I get so worked up I just take you? That I get up early every morning because I see you lying there next to me so beautifully it almost makes me forget that we aren't a couple? That I have nightmares about those assholes watching us have sex, hearing you cry as I take you, making me feel like the worst person in the entire world? So much so, that I feel guilty every time I get an erection? Is that what you want to hear?" He said, the anger slowly leaving his body with each question to be replaced with pain, unshed tears swimming in his eyes.

"Yes, Rick. It happened. I get nightmares about it too. But the only reason I am so conflicted is because it happened with you. I wasn't ready to have our first time together, much less have a sadistic audience. But I don't think we can move past this until..." She took a deep breath, preparing herself for what she was going to say next.

"Until we try again."

"What?" He cried, completely taken aback.

"Don't make me say it again, Castle." She replied, already toughly embarrassed for having said it in the first place.

"Kate, I don't know if I can." He whispered, pain swimming in his eyes, a single tear sliding down his cheek.

"It'll be different this time. It'll be just us." She tried to reassure him.

"Please. Try. For me?" She asked, leaning back in, wiping away the tear with her thumb.

Too emotional for words, Castle simply nodded and Kate leant back in, meeting his lips with hers.

But instead of kissing him passionately like she did before, it was slow and tender, wanting to savour every second of their kiss, also setting a completely different tone to their previous sexual experience.

As the kiss went on, Kate slowly ran her hands down his chest, feeling his strong muscles flex under the thin tee shirt.

Reaching the hem of his shirt, she carefully bunched it up in her hands, slowly pulling him up to meet her as she pulled it over his head, reattaching her lips to his instantly, throwing the shirt onto the floor.

Wrapping her arms around him, Kate held him close, feeling his warm chest press against hers through the oversized shirt she'd borrowed from him.

Castle tentatively ran his hands down her back, making her shiver under his touch, pulling his mouth away from his only to softy kiss down her neck, feeling her heat up under his touch.

Hands shaking slightly, Castle took the hem of her shirt in his hands, pulling back to look in her eyes anxiously, only for her to raise her arms, allowing him to pull the shirt her head, revealing her bare breasts and creamy skin underneath.

Swallowing thickly, his cock twitching under her, Castle carefully takes her breasts in his hands, just holding them gently, giving them an experimental squeeze before he leant down and latched his mouth onto an erect bud, sucking on it ever so gently, sending pleasured tingles all over her body, making her toes go numb from the simple action.

The pair stayed like that for a while, Kate's back arched to give him access to her chest as he toughly worshiped her body.

But inevitably, the undeniable heat and arousal slowly drove them to shed the last shred of their clothing, leaving them completely naked in front of each other.

Reaching over to his nightstand, Castle pulled out a small foil packet and a pop top bottle, putting them on the bed next to him before he carefully lifted her up and lay her down on her back before lying down on top of her.

His heart pounding uncertainly, Castle licked his lips before reattaching them to hers, consciously keeping his lower body away from hers, still tentative about having sex with her again as memories of the last time danced around his mind.

Holding him tenderly, Kate kissed him back, gently touching his face before pushing him back, holding the kiss before pulling back to pick up the condom where he left it.

Sighing in relief, thinking the worst, Castle visibly relaxed, watching in fascination and awe as she tore open the package and, pinching the tip of the condom, rolled it down onto him, pecking his lips before lying back down.

Smiling lovingly down at her, Castle picked up the bottle and popped it open, squeezing more than ample amounts of lube over himself, wiping off some of the excess and carefully applying it to her inviting centre.

Kate was confused at first as to why he was being so liberal with the lube, but then it dawned on her and made her heart skip a beat, loving him all the more as he came towards her on hands and knees, breath shaky as he took himself in hand and positioned himself at her entrance.

Smiling softly at him as his brow was tightly knit in concentration, Kate gently laid her hand over his, pulling him down to her lips with the other as she slowly guided him in, both letting go so he could bury himself in her completely, moaning loudly in satisfaction into each other's mouths.

It started slowly at first, just simple rocking of the hips, till they became more and more comfortable, eventually escalating into frantic kisses and desperate thrusting, the room filled with the din of moans, groans and cries of ecstasy as they finally reached their peaks, collapsing together in a sated, sweaty heap, struggling for breath.

Finally finding the strength in his arms to push back up to look into her beautiful jade eyes, Castle smiled, seeing it mirrored on her face.

"I love you, Kate." He breathed. "I always have." Smiling lovingly back at him, Kate leant up and placed a chaste kiss on his lips.

"I love you, too." She replied, making Castle's face break into a broad smile, immediately attacking her mouth with his in a fury of kisses, making her giggle as the kisses strayed from her mouth down her neck.

"Thank you, Kate. For everything." He whispered sincerely.

"You're welcome, Rick." She smiled back, pulling him back in for a hug, nestling her face in his neck, kissing it lightly.

When Castle had started to soften inside her, the pair regretfully parted, needing to clean up before they went to sleep.

Castle carefully rolled off her and started pulling the condom off, tying a not in the end to keep the contents from spilling out while Kate got up and quickly went to the bathroom.

When she returned, Castle swapped with her, shutting the door behind him, reappearing a few moments later to join her in bed, pulling her in close; neither having bothered to put their clothes back on, as they drifted off into a nightmare free slumber.


End file.
